I've been having a pretty rough year with my depression. Its been a lot worse than its been in a long time. Day before yesterday had a really big crash, and fell thoroughly apart. Counselor (yesterday) asked me why I didn't go to the hospital.
You know, in my area the hospital would have done nothing but take my blood, and call someone to "Evaluate me" and they inevitably suggest you go into the mental hospital--if the local one is running, who knows if its any good because it changes hand so often. The next closest two are pretty terrible in reputation if you talk to anyone whose been there.
In addition I have anxiety and being put into rooms and locked in near a bunch of people would have been detrimental, especially since I'm away from friends and notably my dogs, which do make a difference. I mean, maybe out there in another state? Or a bigger city? It might have been useful, but out here that is all pretty non-starter for me because it makes things worse. I know this. Plus I'm already on meds, which they'd want to put me on, and shouldn't go around changing without a LOT of review like my actual doctor. Which I saw last week, and talked to about having a bad year. So its kind of pointless to do that anymore. They're not going to really help. Early on they did, but that was a different set of doctors, owners, and over a decade ago.
The recent crash had specific triggers, and thanks to friends I managed to get out of the triggering atmosphere and mindset.
Its not like I don't know how to deal with this when given the chance. Its just hard to see how to get to out of the triggering space.
I'm doing better today, but still a little down. Just the malaise of not having anything to do that I want to do. Or anything distracting me.