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Deviant for 12 Years
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I've been having a pretty rough year with my depression. Its been a lot worse than its been in a long time. Day before yesterday had a really big crash, and fell thoroughly apart. Counselor (yesterday) asked me why I didn't go to the hospital.

You know, in my area the hospital would have done nothing but take my blood, and call someone to "Evaluate me" and they inevitably suggest you go into the mental hospital--if the local one is running, who knows if its any good because it changes hand so often. The next closest two are pretty terrible in reputation if you talk to anyone whose been there.

In addition I have anxiety and being put into rooms and locked in near a bunch of people would have been detrimental, especially since I'm away from friends and notably my dogs, which do make a difference. I mean, maybe out there in another state? Or a bigger city? It might have been useful, but out here that is all pretty non-starter for me because it makes things worse. I know this. Plus I'm already on meds, which they'd want to put me on, and shouldn't go around changing without a LOT of review like my actual doctor. Which I saw last week, and talked to about having a bad year. So its kind of pointless to do that anymore. They're not going to really help. Early on they did, but that was a different set of doctors, owners, and over a decade ago.

The recent crash had specific triggers, and thanks to friends I managed to get out of the triggering atmosphere and mindset.

Its not like I don't know how to deal with this when given the chance. Its just hard to see how to get to out of the triggering space.

I'm doing better today, but still a little down. Just the malaise of not having anything to do that I want to do. Or anything distracting me.


Silverlion's Profile Picture
United States
I am a creator, and a dreamer. I do not sit still upon past accomplishments but always, ever move forward. Ideas come madly from the font within my skull, never rest, but sometimes quietly bubbling, and other times bursting forth like a flood.

I'm a Texan, though I've lived elsewhere even in another country in the past, I'm currently disabled, but working towards recovering completely.

My former best friend, Cu Sidhe was a big white-furred loon of a dog who was here through many of the hellish parts of my life, she passed away in March 2013.
I've got another dog, adopted from a shelter, just as much personality and love, named Tesla

Current Residence: Hell, TX
Favourite genre of music: None
Favourite photographer: None
Favourite style of art: Oil Paintings
Operating System: None
MP3 player of choice: None
Shell of choice: None
Favourite cartoon character: Paper (from Read or Die)
Personal Quote: "Madness is an Epiphany which can free thee from the simplicity of sanity"

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VagabondX Featured By Owner May 19, 2016  Professional General Artist
Awesome new avatar!
Silverlion Featured By Owner May 19, 2016
Thank you my friend did it for me!
Hagane85 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2016
Engiru Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist

Thankyou so much for the watch~ it is much appreciated ^^ I hope you will enjoy my future works as well vuv

have a nice day !
Silverlion Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2015
Of course! Keep up the great work :D
Engiru Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
will do~
laddster Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2015  Student General Artist
thanks a lot for the watch :huggle: it really means a lot~
Silverlion Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2015
You are welcome!
Silver-lion Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
oh thanks
TheDoubleFox Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2015  Student Artist
Thanks you for watching me :)
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